March 2008 | Part II

Okay, let's begin.

March was a rather busy month for me. Busy in the sense of having fun and hanging out. Again, I know, it really is a tough life I live. The entire month was spotted with dear friends of mine coming to LA for a visit, either because of spring break or just by chance.

My first visitor was mrs. chucklesworth herself, ashleigh pederson. This jewel of a friend spent one week here in LA with me and my gal from the LBC erin foley. Of course, laughter and ridiculousness were our fourth and fifth friends during our outings. The first night was spent at La Cita, trying desperately to run into ryan gosling...but alas to no avail. In the meantime we spent our time sipping on libations and being absolutely silly with the digital camera, alongside stella wingfield. We enjoyed the hiedousnes of zooming in on one's face and discovering each clogged pore and blackhead. Yum!

On friday we hit up akbar for some dancing, along with miles, claire, and my wonderful LA crew: erin, zoe, lauren, cmo, noelle, et al. We danced the night away...as per usual. We did have a few celebrity sightings....including kids in the hall star, scott thompson. I was forced to pose with him for a photograph with erin....and naughtily and clumsily grabbed his butt and caressed his balls. Ooopsiees! We also saw some guy that's in heroes...who will also be in the new star trek movies....playing spok. Which explained his weirdo eyebrows.

The next morning, ashleigh, erin, and myself bid miles and claire adieu after a cheap and yummy breakfast at Cafe Tropical. We hit the road for wine country in paso robles, just north of san luis obispo. If anyone has never taken this excursion up, I highly recommend it. It is absolutely stunning up there. The drive is just as phenomenal and part of the experience; and it's only about 3.5-4 hours.

We spent our first night just visiting one wine cellar along the coast. The name is Castoro Cellars. After our tasting and purchase, we headed to the pier to sample our wine and enjoy the stunning sunset alongside the sleepy town with such an affording dramatic vista.

On our way back to town and to our hotel, night had already lay its head down to rest, and the stars were exploding along the skyline. I had to pull over and just lay atop our rental car and soak in such a heavenly sight. All along to michael jackson's "man in the mirror" song, on the weird michael jackson station, aptly titled xmthriller. Twas such bliss to have a commanding nightly view, with zero light pollution from a surrounding cityscape. My favorite! I really forgot how beautiful, scary, calming and silent darkness can be. It was a nice feeling.

The remainder of the night was spent in the hot tub at the Adelaide Inn and then being silly in our hotel room. Including me running around half-naked and climbing on the furniture like a spider.

The next day we visited five wineries. We started out at Tablas Creek with a tasting, followed by a brief tour of the premesis and the steps involved in wine production. From that point on I think a bit of crazy ensued for the remainder of the day, the night, and the trip. We were driving the beautiful and windy country roads listening to the same three songs on repeat. The Cranberries "Ode to my family," Johnny & June Cash "Jackson," and a song from The Hackensaw Brothers. I don't think I have laughed that hard in such a long time slash enjoyed myself and felt so happy in over a year.

We visited a few other wineries/vineyards. Grey Wolfe was definitely one of the best. The staff was so very warm, receptive, humorous and very friendly. On top of that, the vineyard remains in the family, and you get that feeling immediately as you walk into the house for a tasting.

To close out our journey we visited one last vineyard for a tasting. We purchased more wine, some snackables and set up a picnic along the grassy and rolling green hills to watch the sunset and enjoy the comfortable weather, fresh air and stunning scenery. As the sun painted the sky with an array of pinks, yellows, and oranges, we packed up and bid bon voyage to wine country.

The drive back was rather swift and painless. And as we pulled into LA I decided to meet up with patrick and some friends of his at this wonderful bar/restaurant in koretown called the prince. Of course, immediatly after getting out of the car, our exhaustion had set in and we zombie-walked our way into the bar for a few drinks. Whew...what a trying and well spent few days!

The next day the gals and I (ashleigh and erin) met up with zoe for lunch in silverlake at Dusty's (a yummy, moderately-priced french-american restaurant). Aftwards we hit the road to El Matador beach, just north of malibu. However, we took the scenic route via topanga canyon, which offered some mountainous views deep within the hollywood hills. A nice treat for me as well, being that I have not had such an opportunity. Plus, it was a great way to get ourselves ready for the beach. Writing of which, this was also my first time visiting matador beach and holy shit is that place so serene and secluded. I had no idea. On top of that, I swear it reminded me of living in Hawaii, especially with such monstrous and jagged rock formations strewn about on the beach. A true gem of a beach. Afterwards, we went to El Compadre in west hollywood for some delectable comida de mexicano...along with flaming margaritas and a marachi band. Muy bien!

The remainder of ashleigh's time here in LA was spent doing such things as: visiting Joshua Tree National Park; cruising around LA/Silverlake; taking a stroll around the silverlake reservoir; rollercoasting down the monumental hills of echo park; scoping the row of victorian houses in angelino heights; and trying to spot celebrities all along the way. I think Joshua Tree was stunning. Being surrounded by such vastness of land and rock definitley made me feel like I had been transported back to the land of the dinosaurs. The calmness. The quiet. It really was an incredible feeling. I also loved being able to climb upon the rocks and jump from one to another...back and forth...all around. It made me feel like a child again.

Sadly, Ashleigh left mid-week and it was back to normal....but only for a few days or so. My next guest, one Erin Briggs, was to arrive the following monday night. Using this time to "catch up" on sleep and recover from a very unhealthy lifestyle as of late was much needed, yet hardly attainable. That weekend was cmo's b-day and patrick and i kidnapped cmo and went to a bbq in santa monica where we met a very friendly group of LA dancers, whose abode was reminescent of my old college crib on brunswick, ye ol COMPOUND.

When erin arrived on monday night, we sorta took it easy and grabbed dinner at Señor Fish in downtown LA and came back to my spot for some wine and conversation....followed by passing out to a movie. P.S. Señor Fish has some of the tastiest fish tacos I have ever had....and there are so many types of salsas!

The next morning erin had a haphazardous adventure on my moped and ended up in beverly hills due to my miscommunication and bad directions. Ooopsies! Good thing I put enough gas in maxine before erin disembarked. Later, she met me for lunch at Banquette Cafe on 4th and Main St. Banquette is a quaint french cafe that has some interesting and yummy sandwiches with great wine (i hear though i have yet to sample).

February 2008

For the remainder of the month of January (after gay ski week) and for the good majority of February, I voluntarily took some time off from alcohol as well as hanging out. I needed a physical break from chilling so hard. I know, I know, tough life, eh?

It was a nice break, fo sho. I remained very active and hit the gym up regularly. I started working on some t-shirt embellishments as well as some other arts & crafts projects. I started making my weekends jam packed crafternoons! (shout out to lauren schwartz). It was nice to be and feel productive outside of the work environment again....it had been far too long. I even did a bit of detox as far as my diet goes. I cleansed my system for 2 days with only beans, nuts, fruits and vegetables. No additives, except fresh lemon and lime. It was a rather easy detox to do and actually quite manageable. The only reason I did not last the entire 4 days I sought out to accomplish was due to a sudden visit from jason from austin, texas. And as anyone knows, when you have an out-of-towner, that definitely means going out for dinner.

Luckily we went to M Cafe in west LA. This amazing macro-biotic cafe has some of the freshest food in town. The best dish on the menu is the kale in peanut sauce, hands down.

I also spent one weekend with my girl erin foley down in long beach, which was such a blast to hang with her and go on a bike ride along the coast, hang in belmont shore, chill with starr, etc. It's nice to get down to the LBC and do some easy bicycling as opposed to the chaotic streets of LA.

Hmm, what else. Head Homo (christopher) and I hung hard one weekend. We went to an opening at Found Gallery, then to Formosa's in West Hollywood, followed by a crucial party at chris cruse's new crib in the hills of Silverlake. I must say, I am certainly jealous of that boy's houses. He manages to find some of the dopest spots in this town. Yes, I am jealous much.

The next morning the House of Babes and I went to The Kitchen for an oh-so delectable brunch. It's got a simple menu and the service is fast, friendly and gay. Gotta love that! The restaurant is right next to the Akbar, one of my favorite gay dance spots in LA....when the music is tight of course.

Okay so now I must be honest. I started this blog in March and now it's the end of April and I haven't finished my February summary. I'm a slackin'...big time.

gay ski week|aspen|jan.08

Detailed account of my gay ol time in aspen soon to come.

Okay, I'm lazy, and have been far too busy hanging with visiting guests, therefore you will have to enjoy Christopher's lovely and detailed account of our trip in Aspen.

Click here.

january|2008

Now that I have recapped last year, my goal for this year is to stay more proactive about writing/blogging. I realized I'm more prone to write something everyday or every other day by using a computer, sadly, than writing in a journal. It's just faster.

Okay, so here I go again.

The new year started out in austin, tx for me. To be specific, I woke up at 8am at buck's house, still in my outfit from the night before. I woke up to my alarm, got up and walked into the kitchen, cracked open a can of pop and proceeded to chug it. I crushed the icy-cold generic cola and boy did it hit the spot. From there I took my lenses out, brushed my teeth and went back to sleep for an hour more or so. The remainder of the day was spent cold chilling. We watched movies, ate pizza, played games, drank mimosas, and left to do some thrift-store shopping. We got fried chicken and some more booze and came back for another mini new years celebration.

Buck continued to pump out innovative pizzas while more peeps came over and we all gathered around and watched alvin and the chipmunks, belive it or not. I think it started out as a joke but quickly turned into something everyone sorta wanted to watch merely because it was so ridiculous. Or whatever!

The next morning, bright and early, I was on a plane back to LA and back to work, rockstar style. Straight from the airport and back to work. Sort of depressing but whatever! The highlight of the flight back was that sandra bullock and her husband jesse james were on my flight. Oh boy! One of my few celebrity sightings and what a treat. Or whatever!

So I was back in LA, it was 2008, and the party was still not over. The next day (1/3) shelley briggs was coming into town, followed by buck and tamra (as they were driving from austin the day i left), and tammy kim! Whew! Shelley flew into long beach on thursday night. Stella and I decided to head down and surprise her while starr and sam went to pick her up. So stella picks me up from my house, coffees in hand, and we head down to the lbc. So we're both so stoked and so amped and jacked from the coffees that we ended up taking a roundabout way down there. Arriving at starr and sam's house with ample time before the rest of the gang does, we decide we should really surprise them by hiding. So there we are, hiding behind and beneath their porch, twitching from excessive amounts of espresso, thinking every little rustle and voice is them. We were even planning our surprise tactic. 1, 2, 3, SURPRISE....."on three, or after three?" "After three....1....2....3...then SURPRISE!" So redonkulous, but so much fun! We were even thrown off and startled by a neighbor's cat and a possum. I tried my very best to shoo away the possum with my shrieking alienesque sound, but to no avail.

Finally, when they arrived we went to get tacos, burritos and beer and then headed back for some porch chilling. We tested out Sam's new porch bottle opener and kicked it. Erin Foley came over and joined the party which consisted of conversations about high school music.

The next day after work was simply amazing. Instead of going into full detail, because you really had to be there, I will give a brief summation. Stella, starr, sam, stevie, shelley and myself went to charlie o's bar in downtown la for the showing of Point Break Live. Yep, that's right! For any point break fans, I seriously suggest you go to this, if you haven't done so already. It's totally hilarious, high-energy, and very interactive. It's basically a bunch of theater kids reenacting the entire movie....with their own goofy embellisments. It's a riot! The best part of the entire evening is that with each performance, they audition members of the audience to play the role of kean reeve's character, jonny utah! I was propelled up there by my group and I made it to the final round, but alas, did not make the final cut. I'm glad too! I don't think I would have enjoyed it nearly as much. So, with that said, go see it if it's playing in a city near you. It's $20 but definitely worth every penny.

After point break live, we went to the warehouse space for a bit. I passed out, some dude wanted to take a picture of me passed out, shelley stepped in. From there we went back to stevie's crib and then over to his brother mike and his wife nikki's house. She was such a gracious host and stuffed our bellies with tons of yummy treats...which were much needed.

The next morning stella had to work so we grabbed breakfast at cafe tropical in silverlake. Great breakfast spot...cheap...good...fast..and they've got crack-coffee. Stella let shelley and i borrow the car while she was at work, thankfully! Shelley and i spent the day running around, went to the thrift store, got more coffee at groundworks, my new favorite coffee spot, and listend to a lot of ELO.

Erin foley, buck, tamra and bird were on there respective ways up as well. Once they arrived we all sorta just chilled and caught up. Buck and tamra went to hang w/tam's father and erin, shelley, bird and i went for a walk at elysian park in echo park. It's very close to downtown and is quite a superb little hike. It's very easy and it has some affording views of downtown la and south pasadena. It's also green and refreshing. Particularly on this day because we had had a lot of rain and because of this it had washed away all the smog and filth in the air.

Later that night I had planned a very large dinner at casa bianca in eagle rock. The party was huge: buck, tamra, shelley, stella, starr, liza, erin, joel, lindsay, and tammy kim. We gorged ourselves with pizza, salad and very cheap but delicious wine. I highly suggest hitting up this spot in ever in la, it's a must. It's cheap, delicious and a very popular spot. After dinner, we ventured out in the continually hideous wet weather to the scene, a bar that stevie was dj-ing at. We busted some moves for a bit and buck's cousin jackson offered some very nerdy and whimsical "white boy" steps.

Buck, tamra and i returned to the adelphia to find byrd had chewed on one of my shoes and peed on the floor in my bathroom. I couldn't be bad! If you've ever met byrd, you'd understand. We topped of the night by watching clue and passing out. The next morning we headed to home for brunch, a personal fav thanks to caroline payne....holla! Next we headed to little tokyo and the MOCA to view the murakami exhibit. I had been interested in seeing this for some time. I really didn't know anything about the artist, but after viewing the show I think I felt like I was on drugs. A really exciting and interesting trip of some sorts. I felt like I was in super mario brothers. The vibrant and rich colors, the sculptures of mushrooms and crazy beings of all sorts. I'm not a very clairvoyant or articulate individual but I think I was mostly impressed with his larger paintings in which he painted a face of a creature, sanded it down, repainted it, and then sanded it again and again. I loved the texture it created, as opposed to many of his other works that were so very perfect in execution and with nothing "off" so to speak. I also loved the wallpapers he created. A very effective technique to induce euphoria or insanity. My favorite piece was his sculpture/transformer at the very end, or beginning, of the exhibit. It was a woman in mid-air, and in three morphs, transforms into a jet...with all her body parts utilized as some facet of the machine.

Following the exhibit we got some sake and heade back to my apartment to warm up. Soon after, buck and tamra headed out. Erin and I continued watching clue and then headed to house of babes for sunday potluck, which happened to be pizza that night! I couldn't escape the italian pie! The lesbos and erin watched the L-Word while christopher and I played scrabble, and talked about how fun our upcoming ski trip to aspen was going to be.

Monday after work I decided to head back down to long beach to hang with shelley one more night before she headed back to rva. I spent the night hangin' with the gals and we ended up watching splash and falling asleep. The next morning stella and i bid farewell to shelley and starr, got coffee from portfolios, and headed back to la. Portfolios is a tight coffee shop. I spent a good deal of time there looking for work when I was in long beach. It's also on a street that has a string of vintage shops and an independent theater.

The remainder of the week I spent preparing for my trip to new york and aspen. I was headed to new york for three days to attend sarah and chopper's wedding and from there to aspen for gay ski week with patrick and christopher. On that wednesday, a photographer friend of a friend, gordon stettinius, was in town and we decided to meet up and go bowling at shatto 39 lanes in koreatown. This is the only bowling alley in la that i've actually bowled at. It's cheap, the booze is cheap, and it's hardly ever crowded. Definitely the jam! Plus, it was good to see gordon and hang with cmo and his friend shane.

I left friday night on the redeye flight after eating dinner with deb, koren, cmo, and liza in venice. Thanfully, cmo payed for my dinner so liza and i could get going. I was fortunate enough to actually sleep on the flight over. Usually I'm never so lucky. I think the two glasses of wine at dinner definitely helped.

I landed in brooklyn around 8am and after riding the airport shuttle in the wrong direction, followed by taking the wrong subway, I finally arrived at angela's apartment in willamsburg around 10:30. We had some jasmine tea and then headed out for some brunch at a tea station close by. From there we headed to soho for chinese massages and a bit of shopping. I then broke away from angela and ventured around for a bit and popped into the h&m. Surely enough, who do i see, one of this season's former contestants from project runway, jack.

My next step was to rendevous with an old high school friend, tricia harbin. I met up with tricia and her mother at the bar of the marriott hotel for a drink. Afterwards, the two of us took a very brisk walk along the promenade that offered stunning nightime views of manhattan as well as the statue of liberty. It really was quite a sight. As we meandered along the promenade, we were dumped out at the foot of the brooklyn bridge. Before we decided to walk on the bridge we popped into grimaldi's pizza for a steaming hot pie. Sarah was right to suggest this spot, hands down some of the greatest 'za around. Nothing like more than just a slice to satisfy our ny pizza yearning.

So after scarfing down our pizza we started the walk on the bridge. I've never had the opportunity to do this walk and I so thrilled I did on this trip. The night was definitely very cold, esp. for this la boy now, but not as cold as it could have been....thank goodness! While walking on the bridge i quickly discovered that i got vertigo while peering through the cracks of wood on the bridge. I tried my best to see how long i could look down but it would only last for about 7 seconds. It was exillerating and frightening all at once.

Later in the evening we went to meet up with sarah and chopper at a bar very close to the brooklyn bridge, in dumbo. After getting nice and loose, tricia and i headed to chelsea to see if we could go dancing. I think we tried to get into this one gay bar called splash...or splish.....anyway, it was totally lame. It would have costed us each $25 bucks for the cover. Definitley not my style. Instead, we popped over to this lounge and continued our evening, which included some drunk fool trying to shove his tongue down my throat simply because I complimented him on his shirt. A shirt that had the virginia insignia from uva on it. Naturally being from va I ask where he's from, to which he retorts with his tongue on my face, trying to find my throat. Bummer for me!

Anyway, next thing we know it's 4am and we're eating more pizza and then taking a car back to our respective resting spots. I get in at 5 and thankfully angela was such a good sport about letting me in. Whew! I drunkenly sleep till noon, call raimy and make plans to meet up with her and her family before the wedding to do brunch. I sort through my clothes and outfit for the wedding to only find that my forgetful, dumb-ass left my black slacks for the wedding in my apartment back in la. Yeah, no shit! I panicly call raimy on where i can buy a replacement pair of slacks. Before i know it i'm on the metro and heading back to soho to the club monaco. I buy a $140 pair of slacks, only to be returned the next day ;), and head back into brooklyn......whew...disaster averted.

Arriving at la casa de rosenduft, i was quickly brought food, drink, and multiple adult beverages. It was so very comforting, and raimy was so on point with her adlibs of her family, especially her mother. To the tee! Unbelievable! I couldn't believe it. Her entire family was very warm and I got a great sense of what a loving family she has come from. After eating, there was no time to spare, I had to get ready for the wedding. I scrambled to clean myself up in raimy's brother's room and then bid raimy and all the rosendufts adieu and hopped into a car and headed to the brooklyn navy yard to meet with hatnim lee for the wedding. Hatnim was wearing this very cute, black and white, puffy dress. She looked dazzling, especially with her mustard yellow short peacoat to accent it.

The wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful. First off, the location was stunning. It was at the brooklyn navy yard at steiner studios, therefore the view was breathtaking. You had the brooklyn and/or manhattan bridges and lower manhattan in sight. As dusk approached on the overcast day, the scene had a dramatic appeal to it. Being that this was my first jewish wedding, I had no idea what to expect. As sarah came down the aisle and took her place under the chupah with chopper, my heart was sinking. It really was such a joy to see. I'm such a sap for romance, cutesy things, and falling in love...blah...blah...blah...all that good stuff.

I think the most powerful moment was when the rabbi expressed sarah and chopper's reason for having their rings passed around the chupah, so that it may be filled with all the love that was there in the room as well as by the love of those that could not be there...chopper's father, sarah's grandfather, and jonny z. My heart nearly collapsed with joy and sadness. It was so very touching and I truly felt jonny was definitely somewhere close.

And then......MUZZLETOFF! The partitions dividing the rest of room were brought down and an ocean of champagne was being passed around. There was an incredible hours de vour spread in the center island and the party had begun! Thinking this was the only food coming our way, I stuffed myself like a girl before puberty. Only to find in no time at all that we were ushered upstairs for our four-course meal, surrounded by the dancefloor and even greater breathtaking views of old new york. The entire setting was perfect. The night was divided with dancing, eating, more dancing, speeches, entertaining the bride and groom, and then more dancing. A truly wonderful evening. The last song played was "Here comes your man" by the Pixies. Absolutely perfect. To top things off, hot chocolate and hostess cupcakes were offered to us as we left. Man, those kids know how to throw a party! Congrats to sarah and chopper again!

That night I stayed over at hatnim's apartment. The next morning i was dropped back off at angela's. I made plans to hang out with raimy during the day, since her flight had been cancelled for fear of snow. I was pleased to have her stay b/c i really didn't have any plans for the day. I headed to the bedford stop to get a ny bagel and coffee. Along the way i bump into alison from florida, whom i was gonna see later that night for her birthday, so i found it to be a very pleasant surprise. I meet up with raimy in soho a bit later in the day and then we just spend the afternoon walking, talking, and drinking. We visited many of her old stomping grounds. We ventured into the oldest bar in new york, mcsorley's, where they only offer light and dark beer....and you get two of them for super cheap.

We ventured further into the east village, slowly getting more and more inebriated. I stopped to get a dog and raimy, as quick witted as she is, recognized where we were at and knew of a secret martini bar that was adjoined to the hot dog shop. She inquired about the bar to the server and she secretly put us hip to the game that it opens at 6pm. After a drink or two in between, we came back this clandestine martini bar. The way it works is you walk into this phone booth, pick up the phone, let it ring, and within a short time a server lets you into the dimly lit, cozy bar. I barely remember what we ordered, but I know raimy had some bacon-infused, smokey martini and i had a sweet and sour drink that had traces of a absolutely scrumptious brandy. Don't ask me, ask the bartenders, they are definitely the masters. They were very helpful in helping us decide what we wanted.

The remainder of the evening was spent with raimy, amy, and their dear friends. Raimy had to depart so amy and i carried on and headed to alison's b-day party. Jeff from florida had just arrived that day and we spent the night dancing and drinking and ushering in alison's birthday at midnight. Before i knew it the time was 2am and amy and i high-tailed it outta there. My flight was at 8am so i had to catch a car by 5:45am. I don't why i decided to even lie down. On top of that I don't know how i managed to get up. Getting to the airport with ample time, I walked around like a zombie and boarded my plane. Next thing i know, i'm in dallas.

Feeling like complete dogshit, i deboard my flight, grab some food in dallas and notice an earlier flight to denver, leaving 2.5 hours before my intended flight. I quickly get permission to hop on this flight and i'm sound asleep and en route to denver. I couldn't belive my luck; i never sleep that much on any of the flights i take.

Now i'm in denver, waiting for christopher to arrive so we can head up (pun intended) to aspen for gay ski week. Once we get the rental car sorted out and our fancy-pants suv with beatrice (our navigational system), we hit route 70 west. The landscape was too crucial. It had been so long since i had seen a wintry setting, oustide of movies and photographs. I've essentially been trapped in a perpetual summer, of sorts, for about a year and a half at this point. As we traversed the windy roads through the mountains, the temperature dropped and the sun was setting. The closer we got to aspen, the colder it got and precipitation began to fall. About 30 miles outside of aspen, the snow was really coming down. Luckily we knew we were near. At one point we had to open up our sunroof to let nature's confetti fall upon us.

Within half an hour or so, cmo and i arrived in aspen.

2007~Recap

Okay, so I figured I would recap last year in an attempt to preserve my memories and stay with this whole "I'm gonna keep a journal" thing. So here is a summation of last year. And boy what a doozie it was.

P.S. This is kinda long, so don't feel obligated. Excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes.

1/07: After arriving to the west coast only days prior to the new year, I was spending my time between long beach and los angeles. Thanks to the wonderful hospitality and friendships of both erinfoley and liza chenault, I had a roof over my head and great company. I spent the majority of the first two weeks fretting over finding a job, going on interviews, etc, etc. It wasn't fun. It never is. By the third week I wasn't sure what to do. I was contemplating going home, but as it turned out, I found a sublet thru an old friend, juliana. And just before I moved in, I landed a job at the LA Times. I actually worked a couple days the week before I started at the LA Times at a model/talent scout agency. It was an internship and paid absolute crap, therefore I had to turn it down. I do wonder what potential I had at the company...but as it goes...I chose the smarter option. So by month's end I was ready to move into a new spot and start a new job.

In between all this job/apartment hunting, I was mainly up in LA, hanging with Liza and meeting a crew of awesome people. We (Liza & I) became inducted into a group called the Sunday Night Potluckers, a beautiful group of folks, mainly all LA transplants. These folks would eventually become near and dear friends of mine here in LA.

I also spent a great deal of time with Caroline Payne and her sister Angela. Caroline and I were non-stop dancing machines and she is a wonderful and crazy "going out" partner in crime. We had many a massive madonna nights, that's for sure. Hollla!

2/07: For the good part of February I spent working and getting acclimated to actually having a place of my own for a bit. It was nice to have a bed to sleep on for once. Granted, it wasn't mine, it was mine for the time being. I also spent a lot of time on my bike and getting used to bicycling around the monstrous city of LA. Downtown isn't so bad, it's just getting EVERYWHERE ELSE that proved to be a battle. Yet, with the Metro, I discovered I was able to cover a good bit of ground.

I also had the opportunity to be reacquainted with juliana paciulli one evening at pho cafe (a delectable, inexpensive, fresh and quick vietnamese spot on sunset blvd.). We reminisced, caught up, etc, etc. It was wonderful to see a familiar face and have one in town.

Again, a lot of my time was spent at work, at home, and then going out, dancing, eating at new restaurants, and trying to get a grasp on LA.

I believe it was late February when the Pink Razors played a show at this warehouse space in downtown LA and then crashed at my pad a week or so later, on their way back from touring along the pacific northwest. Although, come to think of it, it could have been that first week in March.

Oh yeah, Oscars potluck at Zack's. Kick ass!

3/07: So here I was, one month of living in LA...on my own....living in this studio at the edge of koreatown and on the brink of downtown LA. There are a couple gems in my neighborhood that I have come to fancy. One being Moxie Coffee Shop on 7th and Valencia. A very cute, nook of a shop. Good coffee and satisfying eats!

I'm trying to think back to this month and see if anything in particular stands out. I do know that the potlucks were happening on a very frequent basis and I was slowly starting to know more and more of the members, in particular Raimy, Zoe, Lauren, Christopher, and Elizabeth. In the words of Dr. Ramagnano, they are all "special little birds."

I think one highlights of this month was having the potluck at Koren and Deb's apartment downtown. It was a very warm day in LA and we did a rooftop/pool party potluck. I was thrilled to be swimming in March. It was pretty stunning. Such affording views of downtown LA, the toy, fashion and garment districts...and even further south and east! I sorta felt like a rock star...but a poor one!

Also this month, Hatnim Lee took some dynamite pics of me. What can I say, it boosted my ego.

4/07: Somewhere in between all this I had also met Shelley Briggs' good friend Stella Wingfield, who is also dear friends with Starr, whom I met in long beach when I first arrived. I met Stella and her boyfriend in downtown LA at La Cita, where her boyfriend, Stevie, djs as part of Dance Right, every Thursday. It's a hipsters paradise, but boy is it fun, especially when you get in for free and you get there when Stevie is dj-ing. He knows how to bring the ruckus and the jams!

So yeah, Stella and I became friends, slowly but surely. I would come down to see her on Thursdays at La Cita and we would catch up...which usually meant I would get wasted and go dance and then come back and bug her about how we should hang out more. Which we did, in do time!

Hmm, let's see! What else happened this month. I know there was a surprise party for Liza towards the latter part of the month. Which, can only be summed up by this: Caroline dancing it up in her cowgirl boots and giving liza a lapdance and then later that evening liza and avi synchronize dancing/swimming to kate bush's "running up the hill" song. Fucking tearfully hilarious!

Oh yeah, there was a french-themed potluck at Sylvia & Angie's apartment in downtown LA. We wore wigs and it was hilarious.

5/07: Well, if most of you who know me, you all know how this month was. Shitty! Sad, depressing, totally unexpected, gut-wrenchingly painful and true. I'm not gonna delve back into the devastating loss of jonny z. I deal with it everyday and my heart hurts a little each day...and a lot more on others. Here's my posting from myspace to sum up may, june and july-ish.

"It's been awhile since I've gone blogging. Sorta weird because I have nothing but time.
I'm all over the place with this one and I didn't go back to read it. Sorry about that.

This sounds weird now, but the month of May actually started out pretty good for me. I went to Palm Springs with some new bros from out here in LA. Ward and Shelley came out and we had an amazing first weekend. Just chilling in a very modern, uber fancy house in Palm Springs. Poolside, hot tub, and lots of booze and food as we surprised Starr for her 30th birthday. Wonderful times. New friends, new memories. It was hilarious. Ward and I hid as Starr rolled up (thinking she was going to some lame pool party to chill with Stella and her bf Stevie.). Ward was on, of course. He acted as an angry neighbor and came over to complain about the noise. I was the dirty Mexican boy that came with him. The look on Starr's face was so stunning. She recognized me, but she was still sorta uncertain about Ward. As she put it, "I knew it was someone I loved." Great times. The rest of the weekend was sooo chill. Poolside chilling, hotub (alongside the pool, separated by a small wall), food (crucial asparagus Stevie), booze (Cadillac Margaritas), beer bonging in the pool, silly and ridiculous noodle jousts, noodle-bongs, and so on.

That following Monday I came into work, so stoked on life and actually being out here in LA. I was seriously thinking, hey, this place ain't so bad. Maybe I'll give it a shot. I met some good solid folks so my situation had definitely improved. However, that sense of happiness was quickly dismantled and shattered as I heard the news that one of the most beautiful, compassionate and friendliest people I knew had tragically and unfairly been taken from so many people. For me when I think of richmond, I instantly think of jonny. i did in the past and i do now. my next thought about richmond is home. richmond is home to me and we all just lost an irreplaceable family member.


The moment was so terrifying and surreal to hear over the phone. I immediately felt ill, cold and was trembling. As I spoke to people back home and got pieces of the story, I was praying that none of it was true and that it was some awful misunderstanding. I don't think I even cried at first because I couldn't believe what was being told to me. The sickness was quickly mounting until it welled in my throat and my eyes. It wasn't until I talked to a couple people and felt the sadness weigh so heavily over the phone that I lost it. My mind was running circles trying to figure out exactly what happened and if for sure it was jonny. But as I spoke with more people the fucking stupid reality of it all was more than evident. I think for that entire first day and a half I was just convincing myself that nothing was certain; that there was still a chance it was not jonny. It was a joke, right? A mistake? Being all the way out here and getting variations of a story, I was certain that there had to be a mistake. I thought, "I'm just out here and there's just been a mixup." I sorta still want to hold onto that notion. I want to wake from this unreal and unfair dream, hoping that when I get to richmond again jonny will be the first person I see. To me, he is one of the last few OG bros among bros that was still in va and holding it down. As he so eloquently does. I was so thrilled to come home and stay w/him and bling (invited or not...as if it mattered to jonny). I had been so anxious to call jonny on his b-day and catch up. I don't know why I was waiting. I should have just called him whenever I thought about it. What I wouldn't give to hear a resounding "harpal-yalllll" from that sweet voice of his.

I got home as quick and humanly possible, without causing a massive disruption in the life we all have to continue living. I knew I had to be home, there was no other place for me to go. Nothing else was in my mind except richmond and the amazing people there; my friends, my family. Before I headed out, I had to find a flight, square things up with work, etc. It's so weird how something like this still allows one to remain functional, in some manner, on a day-to-day basis. I knew I was going home, though not sure for how long, but I was thinking about rent, bills, etc. I felt awful thinking about shit like that. I thought to myself, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you thinking about petty shit like that?" The only thing I can attest this to is the insane complexity of our brains. How we are able to shift gears like that and compartmentalize so many facets of life, including death. From utter despair and sadness to things that are trivial and inconsequential, yet are a small facet of life. Anyway, I hope that makes sense.

I got back on wednesday, but the two days prior felt like an eternity of some sorts. I was so alone in my apartment. Alone with my thoughts, fears, scenarios and tears. Everything was running around in my head. I couldn't slow down to try to figure anything out. That, coupled with staying in touch w/friends back home, became draining and exhausting. I tried to go to work on tuesday, and did, but the only useful thing about that was finding a flight. I was still so out of it.

On the plane ride home all I could think of was Marty.

Buck, Miles and Mart-dogg were picking me up at Dulles. I was terrified to see him. To say something, the wrong thing...anything. I felt it would come out awkward and idiotic. Of course I was happy to see him and would be there for him. But you know, that shit just sounds weird to have to say to someone you love so much, after a fucked up thing like this. I was weirded out. It was just an uneasy feeling in my gut. But I knew none of that would really matter. And of course when I saw him, all I could do was hug, kiss and embrace him. Yet when I saw him I knew all I had to do was give him my love, my hug and then I threw on the jonny, tu-pac and biggie shirt and we were off.

Staying with the Zanins that first night was very intense but surprisingly beautiful. To see them resilient, solid, and so very brave somehow gave me the strength to endure all of this. At times, of course. The pain still lies, and always will, but to see a tight and loving family remain intact and so supportive and again, strong, definitely gave me a sense of solace amidst the chaos.

Getting into richmond was weird. Being there was weird. I felt like the entire week (Cali, NoVa, RVa) was one long day. There is so much history there as far as who I have become today. So many happy and beautiful memories. So much about richmond reminds me of jonny. He was so very instrumental in my life there. When I first moved to richmond, jonny was like a personal tour guide. Always letting me know what was happening. Where the next show was, the next potluck, where the free food was at, pizza at hibbs, all of it. He really made me feel welcomed. He would introduce me to tons of awesome people, who eventually I got to know better as the years passed. Dude would definitely go out of his way to make sure you were happy and in the know. I also gotta give adam juresko a shout out...I think in his blog he mentioned something about the strike anywhere song "anytime, anywhere, 1999". Of course that was mine, and so many others', shit....and jonny totally dubbed me a copy of it back in the day and at one of the many shows there, when that song came on he'd be like "This is your shit!" Oh man, that guy! Fucking Aces!

I also remember nerding it up w/jonny on the second floor of the cabelll library. He was always there, coffee thermos beside him while he nervously tousled with his hair. After awhile I started joining him, realizing it was a perfect place to study/sleep and chill...and also distract jonny and bug him. We'd both be there into the wee hours of the night and then walk home to his crib on gresham court or 1120 grace to drink dem 40s!

So many great times. Great parties, shows, friends, gatherings, etc. Each street in richmond carries so many stories to so many people. So being there in this capacity was definitely bringing it all back. As the next couple days melted into one, I found myself surrounded by such beautiful and inspiring people, but with a menacing sadness looming over everyone and the town. Jonny is what made me stoked on Richmond and being there w/o his physical presence was utterly incomprehensible. Everything was just off. I'm grateful to have such friends in my life because w/o their hugs and stories and laughter, I don't know how I would have managed. The hardest moments for me were at the Bizarre Memorial. I lost it, several times over, and was embraced by solid friends. Thank you for that. And thanks for everyone that was there. Seeing the ocean of people there, at the wake and funeral is a true point-in-case of what an original and loving being jonny is. ONLY jonny could unite so many people, in various stages in his life and ours, together. To see the impact he has had on so many, for so long, at differing times made my heart only ache that much more...but in a slightly good way. A warming kind of a pain. And as the phrase "Be like Jonny Z" was deemed, I knew beforehand that he was an inspiration to me already for so many years. This was just a revival of his way of life and attitude towards life and one another for everybody to truly embody. For me, I've tried to absorb that goodness of jonny; that do-it-all mentality; that anything is possible; that do the things you love lifestyle. So now to see it permeate into everyone is something I know he would most definitely be stoked on.


After the funeral, I think it is a safe bet to say everyone was completely annihilated. Wasted, in the emotional as well as physical sense. I know I was. And what was weird was to have to pack up and get ready to leave. I don't know why I didn't just stay home a bit longer. But for whatever reason (responsibilities or other) I figured I should get back to LA, if only for a bit. I didn't want to but felt I should go for awhile. Sort some things out. I felt so sick and alone again on the way home. Again, no one to talk to about it. Just alone with my thoughts and sadness and longing for home. Again, the brain works in peculiar ways. The fact that I could get my shit together, slightly, to pack bags, get on a plane, etc and all that type of shit still baffles me sometimes.

Coming back to LA after such a heavy time felt odd. I felt lost in a huge metropolis that felt empty. Thank goodness that Liza, Erin, Caroline and Juliana live here. At least there were a some peeps that understood who jonny is. As opposed to being at work and talking about such a beautiful and caring individual, whereas I'm sure I came off sounding like any other person that has lost someone. That person that is grieving and saddened and with time will be okay. Thing is, jonny is not like any other. Definitely one in a fucking million. And I'm not sure how "okay" I will ever be. I want jonny back. I don't care if that sounds selfish. I want him back for all of us. Yeah, being like jonny z is definitely a very noble way of living. And we all should be like him in so many avenues, but I want that bro back. I want to compare our to-do lists together as we tap whiskeys at the bar.

So yeah, I don't know. Being back in LA was fucking weird. Being at my apartment with no one to bump into in this megalopolis of a town is weird. Not really knowing anyone on the streets is weird. Not having some sort of familiarity is definitely weird. Being sick and trying to go thru the day-to-day shit was fucking hard. The only comfort I found was to constantly talk about jonny. Reminisce, tell stories, and often, just envision that smile, his laugh and his mannerisms. It would help.

I've been drinking a lot. Well, you know, more than normal. Luckily kim z came into town by month's end. That was super helpful to have a familiar face so close by on the daily. Along with tammy, lindsay, joel and liza, the nights were very enRICHed. That definitely helped my emotions and mental health to surround myself with great peeps and good times on the regular. We drank (a lot), we reminisced, we joked, we laughed and we bonded. It was what I needed to try and keep myself in better spirits. Funny thing was that as soon as I was back at my apt I found the feelings would rush back in. Having that alone time can be totally fucked up sometimes. Liza has really been a true friend. Not that she hasn't before...but I genuinely know we have become a lot closer now and she has been very helpful to talk to, listen to and hang out with. She has helped in so many ways, before, during and after jonny's passing.

That first month back was definitely very hazardous to my health, as aforementioned. It didn't really stop there though. I just needed to be around people in whatever situation, to distract my mind. Subdue the hurt, repress the anger. Which there is lots of. I am angry about the situation. And I know I'm not the only one, but I just have to say it. I'm angry and upset that something so fucked up and nonsensical happened to jonny. Not that I would want a logical answer or outcome, because either way the fact would remain that the bestest bud would be gone. Anyway anyone looks at this situation it all comes out as one fucking stupid and senseless act. I try to tell myself in so many aspects of my life, that certain things happen for a reason. And as much as I try to tell myself that this happened to keep us together and strong and motivated to live out our dreams....I can't accept it. I don't know how to. There is no reason for this. I don't want this to be reality. I don't see how this is something that happens in our lives in which we are to grow from. I'm bitter and angry about what happened and there is no reason for losing jonny. Unfortunately, this is reality and within it I think the only thing we are left to do is find reason(s) to continue.

The past couple weeks (mid-to-late June) have been better. I'm feeling a bit less weird. I'm exercising. I'm slowly getting motivated to work on projects again. I generally feel better (physically) and emotionally. Well, that comes and goes throughout the day. Most days are better...but then a song or a conversation will trigger a downward spiral of sadness and reminiscing. Thankfully, when I think of jonny, all i have are joyous memories, images and laughs that help me get in a better mood. I thank him and love him for that so much. For making me happy about life and the things I've done. For realizing all the greatness in front of you. For being the sculptor of your dreams and ambitions and for knowing when to chill and let loose. For holding it down, taking on more than you can handle (but still doing it all) and for being honest, caring and so very giving. I love you jonny. always. forever.

Lately, as just mentioned, I'm doing pretty well. I'm hanging with some solid folks I've met thru Liza. A couple special little birds. We hang pretty much a couple times a week on the regular. If you've read my other blogs, the crew I speak of is the sunday night pot-luckers. They tight. In June we went to the LCD Soundsystem show, not before a wonderful sunday brunch, an in betwixt was the LA Pride. We basically got our own float show and went to the bars to hang amongst our fellow gays. I met some quasi-famous girl from the L word. Hooray! I'm so very please to be friends with this group. They're so special. And I get to know more and more about them every time we hang. By the way, the LCD show was so fun. So very much fun! Lots and lots of dancing, followed by midnight burgers and minimal sleep and hangover work the next day. Which I've also been doing a lot of. Se la vie.

Now I'm in a bit of a bind as I am trying to figure out if I should come back home to richmond or stay out here in LA or move somewhere else. My heart is urning to be home right now and be with friends. I know that is what I need emotionally and mentally. To be surround by familiar faces and the comfort and caring of great peeps. And I know if I came back I could definitely occupy my time with projects and with new ventures people have started. I'm just torn. I just don't know if I want to come home permanently or temporarily. I'm sort of tired of moving around at the moment. This is what has been laying ever so heavily upon my dome for the past two months+. I keep flip-flopping and have pros and cons about staying and going. But anyway, that's all I got at the moment. I'm stoked if you read this all. If not, eh, who can blame you."

5/07-8/07: A couple highlights~I got to go to Mexico with stella, starr, stevie, and corey in late july for stella's 30th birthday! We headed to Rosarito....just a step up from Tijuana. We were only there for a weekend...but it was brilliant. We stayed in this hotel that overlooked the Pacific Ocean. It had an infinity pool that led to edges of the cliff, in which you were able to swim all the way up and gaze out at the stunning ocean view. All whilst sipping upon the bountiful array of vacation drinks, ie margarits, daquiris, etc. Se magnific! The entirety of the trip pretty much consisted of lounging, swimming, drinking, eating, heading to Rosarito for some cheapo shopping, and then gorging ourselves with lobsters....very cheap and yummy lobsters!

Shelley Briggs visited in late july/early august. That was so very much needed. We chilled, ate burritos, made jonny z t-shirts, went dancing at La Cita, and hung tough! I was stoked to see her again.

Next up was a trip back to home for Best Friends Day 6..i think it was! So hard to keep up. It was all such a blur. I got to hang with my main bros, buck, miles, anna, brannon, kim, and claire. The events were insanely packed but still crucial! It rained my first night there as we were all about to head out to go rollerskating. What a fucking storm. How I had missed those eastcoast summer thunderstorms. It was scary and beautiful. I think jonny was saying hi again as it had poured the last time I was there.

As the four days had come and gone I was getting ready to head out once again. But before I left I went and got my first tattoos. Yep, two tattoos! I got an outline of virginia on the inside of my upper right bicep and I got a special bird that jonny z had drawn on the left arm. It was a drawing found by marty in one of jonny's notebooks at none such. It's nice to have that special bird with me at all times and to know that he is flying above us all, watching, smiling, and totally stoked. Jonny is home to me, as is Virginia, especially Richmond. The two go hand in hand.... and for me...one does not exist without the other.

9/07: Back in LA once again and back to work. BORING! I was finally getting motivated here and there to work on projects, ie make t-shirts, etc. So that was comforting. I was also just biding time for my next trip to Seattle to hang with Megan, Kerry, Chappy, Beckley and Katie Sands. It was not til the latter part of the month so I still had some time. I did get my moped at the start of this month. THANK GOODNESS. It has made my existence here in LA way better and it is saving me more time. Plus, it's cheap on gas, I get funny looks whilst cruising with it, and I almost always get a comment here and there while pedding around. I love my Puch Maxi Sport. I call here Maxine.

For Labor Day I went down to Long Beach to hang w/Erin Foley. We stayed in the pool pretty much the entire time. LA was going thru a heatwave and so it was deathly hot outside. I think all we did during the weekend was watch movies, swim, eat, and wade about in the pool for hours on end. I watched the simpsons movie as well. So on point!

So yeah, Seattle! I flew in around 11pm on a friday night. Katie and Megan picked me up. Megan was wasted. I was jealous! We headed into Capitol Hill and kicked it at their local bar and proceded to get annihilated. After last call we headed back to Megan's/Kerry/Chappy's apartment complex to continue the festivities. There was a jonny z sticker right outside of their crib. So stoked! Chappy had just got outta work, right down the street, and so he had some catching up to do. We all chilled...got wasted....made pizzas at like 3am..and stayed up til 5!

We all wake up late in the morning, for apparent reasons, and then Chappy makes us breakfast. Again, so crucial! Katie and her bf, Paul, come over and then we head out. We went walking around the lush, green, gorgeous Capitol Hill area of Seattle. We checked out this orchird patch, walked alongside bruce & brandon lee's graves, and then met up with Beckley. From there we ventured around town for a bit; got some grub at a pub; walked around some more and then came home to ready ourselves for the evening.


That night we went out to the Cha Cha Bar (the OG) for a drink or two. From there we hit up a couple more spots in the Capitol Hill area, including a metal bar that Megan was stoked to go to. I even tried to get into the gay bar next door at one point but, alas, it was too late to let people in, even though it was still only 1:30. My joke was that the gay bars won't even let me in, being that I'm not "gay" enough. ;) The night ended with piping hot 'za at some spot close by and then a drunken cab ride home to megan's!


The next morning we delighted ourselves with delectable tastings from a rather hip brunch spot, after getting some crack-coffee at a shop I can't seem to remember at the moment. Afterwards, we headed west and caught the ferry over to Vashon Island. There, we cruised the beautiful countryside; visited a pumpkin patch and flower/vegetable garden; and walked alongside a beautiful beach. At the gardens I got my very first glimpse of broccoli in the wild. I had never seen it grown in the wild. A very peculiar looking plant. And on the beach I gave myself a lashing with a very large whip-like piece of seaweed. The sucker swung back and lashed me across the small of my back. It was a pretty neat looking welt.


After some grub, a beer, and a quick ferry ride back, the evening was beginning to close. I was able to catch a glimpse of Mt. Reinier on the ferry trip back....just barely! When we got back, Megan, Paul and myself decided to cap off the night with a visit to Kurt Cobain's suicide spot. Sorta lame to do, but I had to. Plus, it was a sweet spot because it was right along a lake and there we chilled with some 22s and reminisced as well as talked about the changes everyone has gone through within the past couple years and particularly, this year. It was a very sentimental moment for myself and I enjoyed it immensely.

I left the next morning, just barely catching my flight due to a very long security line. I landed in LA, caught the FlyAway bus and arrived at work at 10am on the dot. Clockwork.


10/07: October. Ahh yes, now I remember. My good ol pal Anne Teske came to stay with me after a series of unfortunate events that left her up here in LA, looking for work and a place to stay. Definitely a very familiar sounding tune for myself. I was so thrilled to have a little roomie! I would come home from work and eat dinner, chat, watch movies, watch LOST, drink wine, eat cheese! It was so very comforting to have a familiar face and buddy to live with. I thoroughly enjoyed the company. There was even hopes of Anne getting her own spot in my building, The Adelphia, but, alas, it was not meant to be. Days before Halloween, Anne high-tailed it outta LA and off on her journey back to the east coast. It was sad to see her go, and once again, I was on my own.

For the Halloween festivities I was very intent on having multiple costumes, but that did not necessarily pan out as I had intended. Instead, I fashioned the gay-unicorn outfit from pieces of a costume I found at St. Vincents Thrift Store. After finding an amazing light pink, crushed-velvet mask and matching unitard, I quickly embellished the rest of the costume to make it my own. I added hot pink hooves as well as inverted sleeves from another unitard to create a clydesdale look for my legs. Ya know, those horses that look like they're wearing bell-bottoms. Needless to say, I won the costume contest at La Cita that thursday before Halloween. For my victory dance, I got on all fours and bucked on stage. Ahh, I love Halloween!

For the remainder of the Halloween festivities, I went to a couple more costume parties, as well as the huge west hollywood halloween parade on the day of. That was definitely a riot. So many good costumes, so many people, at times it was a bit overwhelming. I think I got an idea of what Mardi Gras would be like. Whew! After that, I headed downtown to a party/show on 6th/Alameda at this wharehouse/art space. The locale was dressed up like a western ghost town. From there I ventured over to patrick's halloween party, with an entourage of drunks, only to cause more raukus as the party was winding down.

11/07: Well, my feeling is that once Halloween has come and past, the holidays have officially arrived. Highlights for this month included visiting miles and claire in san diego with erin. Extra bonus was that buck and his parents, sheep and charlie were also in town. It was a bit of a family reunion, being that I was pretty much dually raised by my folks and the joneses. The weekend was spent drinking and playing multiple games, including my new favs, the bean game aka bohanza, and bananagrams. The bean game takes a little time to get used to but is so fun. You basically are bean farmers and you barter to grow your crops in a field and collect coins. Bananagrams is like speed-scrabble...sort of!

Miles threw a pizza party the following day for his math colleagues as well as claire's fellow art classmates. Later in the evening Miles entertained us all with some accordian jams as well as his hit song "wwwdotiloveyoudotcom" from What The Girls Want. As always, a riot!

For the remainder of November it was business as usual. The week of thanksgiving I was deathly ill. I remember being so sick on Sunday night and waking up in the middle of the night and barely being able to stand. I almost toppled over in my bathroom and hit my head on the toilet. I then started imagining worst-case scenarios and being alone in my apartment and dying and no one discovering me for weeks. Absolute hyperbole, I know, but still I got scared. For some idiotic reason I decided to go to work on Monday, and shivered the entire day through. Tuesday I took off, in hopes that I would be able to enjoy thanksgiving. By the time thursday arrived, I did feel a bit better. Erin came up and we headed over to Stevie's house for some thanksgiving brunch! All I can say is bacon grits! I'm in love with those grits. Definitely the best southern grits I've ever had. Kudos Stella! Also on the table was a refreshing fruit/granola parfait that Starr had concocted. Yummy! I mad pumpkin-cheesecake squares.

From there, Erin and I continued on to House of Babes, ie Zoe, Lauren and Christopher's crib. We were early, but it didn't matter. As the day wore on Joel and Lindsay arrived and we all played Bananagrams with Christopher, who was upset with himself for not knowing how to spell correctly. Thank goodness, b/c I was able to steal the show!

Raimy and Liza arrived and soon enough we began to gorge ourselves with the bountiful array of food present. I actually did not do my typical t-day course of stuffing myself to the gills. I think because I was still sick I did not have as huge of an appetite as I would have liked. Kudos to Zoe for making an amazing turkey, insanely delicious gravy, as well as her tofurkey...which she almost forgot to put in the oven!

Following dinner, we started up a game of celebrity. For some, it was a new game in which quickly became popular and in demand. Lauren, for one, was so intent on playing only the first round over and over again, but once she became learned in the correct way to play, she was the first one to advocate a new game....right after the completion of a previous game! She was, and still is, hooked! Because we had an even number of players until Patrick arrived. He joined my team alongside Erin, Joel, and Raimy. I believe the final victory went to the opposing team...but I'm pretty sure they cheated ;)

At this point my voice was at its end. But the night was not over. My wish I had come true as we all decided to hang back and watch Home Alone. Oh how my little heart was so thrilled. With stuffed bellies, inebriated bodies, and a state of slumber on everyone's mind, we popped in the john hughes classic. Because my voice was at a child's whisper, I was not able to quote all my favorite lines. What a bummer for me, but I'm sure everyone else was pleased! I think the census was that everyone was pleased to have revisited the movie, as the had forgotten how good it actually was. And for me, the night could not have ended more perfectly!


12/07: December was quite a monumental month for me. Mainly because I finally came out to my family. I had been planning on telling them for some time now, mainly at some point within the year. I remember telling myself sometime in the spring that I would tell my folks next time I saw them. As it turns out, that was probably the worst time to have such a confessional. I ended up being back in VA for jonny's funeral and I barely saw my parents. Therefore I did not have the opportunity to disclose my secret. I was not in my mind at that time; I was definitley far off and away.

So the whole thing went down like this. It was Thursday, December 6th. I had just finished work and decided to head downstairs and call my brother first. He had just returned from a trip to Brazil so we did the whole catching up thing first. Forty-five minutes later I was all set to spill the queer beans. As chance would have it, another employee from my work walks into this tiny computer room. Of course I freak out, excuse myself and head into the hallway. I tell my bro I will phone him back in 10 minutes. The time passes and the room is once again free. I pop in, call my bro...no connection! Damn it, I think. I try again....to no avail! I attempt once more, and again, no luck. I give up. Now I decide to call my folks.

I phone my parents and again I do the whole catching up thing with them. And as it usually goes, it only takes about ten minutes, no matter how much time has passed between our last conversation. That's just the way our relationship goes. It's always, "How's your job?, How's your health?, How much money are you making?, Do you have a girlfriend yet? When are you getting married?" No joke. So you can imagine the hesitation I felt. In this particular conversation I was stalling for obvious reasons. I talked to my dad first and then my mom. Amidst speaking with her, my phone dies! Krikie! I felt the forces were against me in trying to come out.

My phone was completely dead so I had to hop on my moped, head home, and then charge my cell phone. As my trusty nokia flip-phone lay charging, I contemplated calling them back. I quickly snapped out of it and dialed. To be the ultimate fag, I, of course, had madonna playing in the background. Yeah, yeah, I know!

So I call back, finish talking to my mom and then ask her to put dad back on. I just didn't have the heart to tell my mom. It's weird, I'm closer to her but I knew my dad would understand more. He's assimilated into western culture more so than my mother and that's what I was going on. So anyway, then I told him. I set it up like this. "Dad, I have something I need to tell you and I've wanted to tell you for a long time now." I said I am gay and his response was a low-toned, soft and disappointing mutter of, "I see." From that point on I was just filling the empty void of silence. He wasn't saying much so I continued to reiterate that I had wanted to tell him for such a long time and that I was tired of keeping it such a secret. One of his few questions included, "Is that why maybe you are not interested in getting married?" And of course my initial response is very hot-tempered and a bit rude. "Yeah, dad, that is why I'm not getting married, because I'm not attracted to women!"

My father said something along the lines of "Are you happy?" I told him I was most happy when I wasn't lying to people about who I am, so yes, I am happy. From there not much else was said so I felt I had to wrap up the conversation. I told him that I was sorry for letting him know over the phone and on the eve of their trip to India for four months, but that was the way it had to be. I told him I loved both him and mom and he responded with the same and then we hung up.

I felt very weird after that. Relieved, yes! But not very complete. It was almost too easy. I was expecting a bit more. I dunno, I was thinking there would be more of a confrontation or explosion. There wasn't. In fact, it was rather painless and easy. So as I went through these thoughts I decided to call my bro and tell him. I finally go through and just went for it. Again, hardly any response. Actually, my brother's response was what I expected and actually called it a few weeks prior. "It's cool man" was exactly it! Yet again, my defensive disposition took over and I retort, "I know it's cool Sunny, I just wanted to let you know." Argh, I hate that I'm so quick to be defensive and on guard.

Once again, there was not much to be said. I found out later that my brother wasn't saying much because he was with his girlfriend at the time and they were watching a movie. Oops, my bad! ;) The conversation barely existed and it was an easy task. I was done. I was out! Hooray!

There! I had done it. I sat on my doo-doo brown carpet within my apartment and contemplated all I had just accomplished. Whew, what a relief. The odd thing about it was that I felt really sad onto of the excitement and relief. I think there was something still missing. I think because neither my dad or my brother said anything was a bit hurtful and depressing. Nonetheless, I had done my part.

Moments later, while on the other line with the bank (yeah, I know, why was I calling the bank after coming out? well, business is business) my father is calling me. I hesitated. I let it go to voicemail and then immediatly check it. "Harpal, this is your dad, please call me back tonight, I'd like to talk to you."

My heart was in my throat. I was terrified and so thrilled that my dad decided to call back. So I start dialing and he immediately picks up on the first ring. The first thing my dad asks is "What are you gonna do with your life?" Like I haven't heard that enough times already. Yet this was such a different context in which the question was applied to. Defenses up...I respond, "What do you mean?" I told him I would live my life the way I have been living. And with a little luck or what have you, I would be fortunate to find someone I love, possibly settle down, and if we decided to...raise a family.

My dad acknowledged the fact that that future was a possibility. Meaning that gays can have families, etc. He even used the word partner. Man, if you could have seen me at this point. I was on the verge of tears at one point. To hear my dad say partner already gave me such a shining beam of hope. He even apologized for not saying much when we spoke earlier. He said "You gotta understand, a father hears his son is gay and it's a shock to the heart and system. It will take some time for us to get used to." I told him to take his time, there was no rush, and that it has taken almost my whole life to get used to....so I know where he is coming from.

As the conversation continued, my dad prodded me with questions regarding whether or not something happened to me when I was younger; how long had I known; hiv/aids; the usual milleu of questions I can only assume most parents ask their kids when they come out. I answered them in the best way I could....by being honest. No, nothing happened to me to make me gay. None of my friends MADE me gay. Absolutely none of my straight friends made me gay, or anything along those lines. Yes dad, I understand about hiv/aids. My dad prefaced that question with "You probably know more than me, but be careful, you know, with aids, and diseases." I even told my dad that I am generally not a promiscuous guy and that I am careful. Man, I couldn't believe some of the stuff coming out of my mouth at this point. I definitely did not forsee the conversation to carry on the way it did.

As we continued talking my dad asked if I was depressed. To be honest I told him yeah....sometimes. It was a hard year, and he knew that, and he acknowledged the fact that I was going through a rough patch with losing jonny z. My response, though, was that that had nothing to do with my sexuality. He ultimatley began the close of the conversation with, "Well, as long as you are happy."

I only had one last thing to say, which was that I was so very happy that he called me back and that it meant so much to me that he did. I said I loved him and he said the same and that was that!

The rest of december, hmm....all I really remember from here on in was christmas and getting ready for my new years trip to austin. I spent christmas eve and christmas day at the house of babes, with lauren, zoe, christopher, liza, joel and lindsay. The babes got me a polaroid camera, film and this unicorn bandana; liza got me some more screen printing stuff with multiple inks, which I definitely needed. We played celebrity and scrabble; we ate, drank, and we were all a bunch of marys.

I left LA days before the New Year and was headed to Austin to to spend time with marty (on his very brief leave from the peace corps), buck, miles, lauren, brendan, anna, sam, tamra & bird, uncle chuck & laura, and colleen and mark z! Anna picked me up from the airport and the first thing we did was head to a thrift store. Pretty tight! We then went to Lauren's house and awaited Brendan's call. Once we got B-dogg we came back to Lauren's neck of the woods and then went to get some tex-mex. I had my first michealdo (beer and tomato juice with spices)! Crucial! From there we headed to San Marcos to vist the Zanins!

The first night we were there we chilled in San Marcos and drank and hung outside, fireside style! We also ate fajitas and dranks tons of beer and wine. We waited for buck and miles, whose flights had been delayed and cancelled on and off throughout the day. It was nice to catch up with Marty and hear his tales of good-doing and stove building in El Salvador. He's such a beast.

Later that evening, buck and miles arrived by midnight, a whole 12 hours later than expected. From there we continued to hang throughout the night until sleep took us over.

The next day we went into town, ate breakfast, shopped a bit and went for a walk. By early evening we had to bid adieu to the zanins as we headed back to austin. We hung tough on Manor Road at buck's house...conveniently located next to his old spot on manor and even closer to El Chilito...my favorite breakfast spot in Austin....and pretty much the only breakfast spot in Austin that I know of!

The rest of my time in Austin was spent just chilling really hard. Drinking too much, eating pretty much only pizza and tacos, playing old nintendo and super nintendo games, and watching parts of movies, like alvin and the chipmunks, bad boys 2, and other ironically-awful movies. While in Austin I got to see haleh, glade, drew, and maury. Some friendly and familiar richmond faces. Always a treat!

We went to the Austin Zoo during the weekend. So much fun. We got to feed goats and pigs, we pet the tail of a cougar (I believe) and pretty much pestered the monkeys. We were not doing a good job as far as setting a good example to the children that were tailing us. We were feeding the animals we were not supposed to and then we angered a bunch of monkeys, which is very frightening if you have ever been in a similar sitch.


For new years we pre-gamed at buck's house by having an early toast at like 9pm, followed by a thrilling dance party (my fav for the eve) and then we proceeded to get lost on our way to a house party. It was really fun just walking and talking and drunkingly singing and dancing along. We actually got home not super late and I think we were in bed by 3am.
Man, I'm getting old. Psyche!












And that was 2007.